Similar to “Quotes From the Felt,” I record lines said while out wine tasting.  These can be from friends, winery employees, myself, or conversations I ear hustle.  As the day goes on, conversations can get rather saucy.  Lots of innuendo, double entendre, and shenanigans. Hope there are some chuckles; consider yourself warned…

February 20, 2016 @ BR Cohn, Kunde, and Girard:

• Wine, food, and friends I’m soooo ready!
• As the youngest, I’m use to the hump
• He was pissed on?  No, they were pissed.  He was shit on though.
• Myriad?  Really, you’re throwing that down this early in the morning?
• Oaky and buttery just the way I like it
• Smart Ass Saturday, what can I say?
• Guess all you have to do is make a crack about paprika
• Once you’ve go red, your inhibitions you’ll shed
• I like em over 100 yrs old
• What’s the best advice you can give a girl getting married?  Don’t.
• Wine will help with marriage, it’s a great lubricant
• He somehow got nervous and had a big ass shit in the middle of the cubicles
• The gouda with the gouda is amazing
• Gouda down
• Gouda, gouda, honey, prosciutto is the way to go
• Does a cave a tunnel make?
• I never got basil til I moved away from home
• Thank god you don’t have a nut allergy
• Fake man buns shouldn’t exist, but they do
• Denim shorts still exist?  Umm hmm, check it out x2
• He looks like a freeze dried Hulk
• She’s ditching her husband for the Shake Weight
• Last time I left cheese in my thingy
• I’m covered, but I’m not Coverdale Page
• Umm, who are you?  I’m AT&T.  Oh, well, I’m Verizon.
• I judge wine by how it starts.  So foreplay is important to you?
• Omg Wolverine is at the bar!
• It was like dirty sock-a-way
• I need a vent on my face.  I feel wine warmth.
• I feel like I have purple lips, purple lips, and purple teeth
• I see lots of red and it is not wine
• “Perfect” One Direction, is my theme song
• That’s the best line “does your mouth remember the taste of my love” Ed Sheeran

October 17, 2015 @ Macchia, D’Art, and Oak Farm Vineyards:

• I have a buckle up my butt
• No!  I don’t know what a Yeti 110 is
• You’ll see a whole new level of fury if you…
• I have a summer and a winter pair of windshield wipers.  WTF, of course you do!
• I’ll be licking that off later
• Pour some brownie on me
• I should’ve brought it to bring it
• Everything’s better with sea salt
• That’s a party in your mouth, but that one’s a high school dance
• I you was a bag of chips, you’d be a bag of Frito’s or pork rinds
• Omg, this thingy has a knob!
• If I have to repeat this tomorrow, I’m going to bed now
• When a dog is looking in your eyes, it’s giving you an endorphine bath
• Riddle me this
• I have a bush and I know how to use it
• I have a knob in back, can you turn it on?
• Oh sheep!
• That’s naked pool party wine
• You had us at naked
• Oh no, he’s a pervert, he’d probably join you
• It’s like the Beatles walking picture.  Umm, yeah, Abby Road.  No, the Beatles walking picture.  Abby Road.
• Take the topper off and let me have more
• You bread blocker!
• Do they have a slurred smile?
• I didn’t even get to touch the remote until 2009
• If I was Gene Simmons, I’d get so much out of this glass
• It’s not a walk of shame, it’s a stroll of success!
• That’s not my cheese
• Shove that on your pie hole
• I did the pre, but not the thee
• They have room to have huge whatever
• Look, I’m a cone head!  That’s so in right now
• That’s worth a magazine circle

Older…

• I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
• You know you drank too much wine when you’re teeth are purple.
• When I die, I want to wake up in Rhone.
• That’s missing another world (Chardonnay w/out oak)
• What is it?  It’s a Chardonnay fortified with Everclear (Chardono).  It’s a mind eraser.  Do I want to go there? Yes.
• Well, it’s a romance language (Italian)
• Port tastes like liquid candy.  That’d be a good porn name.
• I just got a cool breeze where I shouldn’t.
• If he wants you to make tortillas in the morning, then we have a problem.
• What are you doing? Get your hand off my button!!
• Remember what you had in your mouth.
• Go wash your Smurf hand.
• After 6 beers you’re full.
• That’s moanable!
• Look at that crack pipe on that bottle of wine!  I wish I had my cigar lighter.
• Do you need sunscreen because that was so tannini?  My knees don’t tan.
• My falsies almost flew out!
• We have lays in the car, do you want one?
• Don’t go sticking your nose in the backside, unless you’re a member.
• Better than wicker.
• Ed vs head
• I felt them to see if they were real.
• Quick, make it go up!  (window)
• You can take the boy out of the country, but not the country out of the boy.
• Alejandro would be Lady Gaga; Fernando would be Allah
• That’s the first snort of the day.
• Are you from Texas?  No.  Aren’t you wearing a cowboy hat? Umm, no, it’s a fedora.
• Pinky vs. Piggy Toe
• Would you just push out and be done with it. (door)
• Would you trim before you crop that shit? (pic for IG)

This list is as of February 20, 2016.  I’ll update periodically and repost.