Similar to “Quotes From the Felt,” I record lines said while out wine tasting. These can be from friends, winery employees, myself, or conversations I ear hustle. As the day goes on, conversations can get rather saucy. Lots of innuendo, double entendre, and shenanigans. Hope there are some chuckles; consider yourself warned…
February 20, 2016 @ BR Cohn, Kunde, and Girard:
- Wine, food, and friends I’m soooo ready!
- As the youngest, I’m use to the hump
- He was pissed on? No, they were pissed. He was shit on though.
- Myriad? Really, you’re throwing that down this early in the morning?
- Oaky and buttery just the way I like it
- Smart Ass Saturday, what can I say?
- Guess all you have to do is make a crack about paprika
- Once you’ve go red, your inhibitions you’ll shed
- I like em over 100 yrs old
- What’s the best advice you can give a girl getting married? Don’t.
- Wine will help with marriage, it’s a great lubricant
- He somehow got nervous and had a big ass shit in the middle of the cubicles
- The gouda with the gouda is amazing
- Gouda down
- Gouda, gouda, honey, prosciutto is the way to go
- Does a cave a tunnel make?
- I never got basil til I moved away from home
- Thank god you don’t have a nut allergy
- Fake man buns shouldn’t exist, but they do
- Denim shorts still exist? Umm hmm, check it out x2
- He looks like a freeze dried Hulk
- She’s ditching her husband for the Shake Weight
- Last time I left cheese in my thingy
- I’m covered, but I’m not Coverdale Page
- Umm, who are you? I’m AT&T. Oh, well, I’m Verizon.
- I judge wine by how it starts. So foreplay is important to you?
- Omg Wolverine is at the bar!
- It was like dirty sock-a-way
- I need a vent on my face. I feel wine warmth.
- I feel like I have purple lips, purple lips, and purple teeth
- I see lots of red and it is not wine
- “Perfect” One Direction, is my theme song
- That’s the best line “does your mouth remember the taste of my love” Ed Sheeran
October 17, 2015 @ Macchia, D’Art, and Oak Farm Vineyards:
- I have a buckle up my butt
- No! I don’t know what a Yeti 110 is
- You’ll see a whole new level of fury if you…
- I have a summer and a winter pair of windshield wipers. WTF, of course you do!
- I’ll be licking that off later
- Pour some brownie on me
- I should’ve brought it to bring it
- Everything’s better with sea salt
- That’s a party in your mouth, but that one’s a high school dance
- I you was a bag of chips, you’d be a bag of Frito’s or pork rinds
- Omg, this thingy has a knob!
- If I have to repeat this tomorrow, I’m going to bed now
- When a dog is looking in your eyes, it’s giving you an endorphine bath
- Riddle me this
- I have a bush and I know how to use it
- I have a knob in back, can you turn it on?
- Oh sheep!
- That’s naked pool party wine
- You had us at naked
- Oh no, he’s a pervert, he’d probably join you
- It’s like the Beatles walking picture. Umm, yeah, Abby Road. No, the Beatles walking picture. Abby Road.
- Take the topper off and let me have more
- You bread blocker!
- Do they have a slurred smile?
- I didn’t even get to touch the remote until 2009
- If I was Gene Simmons, I’d get so much out of this glass
- It’s not a walk of shame, it’s a stroll of success!
- That’s not my cheese
- Shove that on your pie hole
- I did the pre, but not the thee
- They have room to have huge whatever
- Look, I’m a cone head! That’s so in right now
- That’s worth a magazine circle
Older…
- I’d rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
- You know you drank too much wine when you’re teeth are purple.
- When I die, I want to wake up in Rhone.
- That’s missing another world (Chardonnay w/out oak)
- What is it? It’s a Chardonnay fortified with Everclear (Chardono). It’s a mind eraser. Do I want to go there? Yes.
- Well, it’s a romance language (Italian)
- Port tastes like liquid candy. That’d be a good porn name.
- I just got a cool breeze where I shouldn’t.
- If he wants you to make tortillas in the morning, then we have a problem.
- What are you doing? Get your hand off my button!!
- Remember what you had in your mouth.
- Go wash your Smurf hand.
- After 6 beers you’re full.
- That’s moanable!
- Look at that crack pipe on that bottle of wine! I wish I had my cigar lighter.
- Do you need sunscreen because that was so tannini? My knees don’t tan.
- My falsies almost flew out!
- We have lays in the car, do you want one?
- Don’t go sticking your nose in the backside, unless you’re a member.
- Better than wicker.
- Ed vs head
- I felt them to see if they were real.
- Quick, make it go up! (window)
- You can take the boy out of the country, but not the country out of the boy.
- Alejandro would be Lady Gaga; Fernando would be Allah
- That’s the first snort of the day.
- Are you from Texas? No. Aren’t you wearing a cowboy hat? Umm, no, it’s a fedora.
- Pinky vs. Piggy Toe
- Would you just push out and be done with it. (door)
- Would you trim before you crop that shit? (pic for IG)
This list is as of February 20, 2016. I’ll update periodically and repost.
