Sunday Reflection Quote (yes, on Monday)…Spending the past week with family and friends, breathing mountain air, being on water, and hitting the links rejuvenated my downtrodden heart. I’ve become acutely aware the stretch from October-February can be a rough go. At the same time, there’s liberation in knowing; knowing despite the bumps I’m in a better space. I’m surrounded by wonderful people and have great experiences. Life is truly good!! Thankful, thankful, thankful.
Sunday reflection quote (long)…The past week was a doozy regarding experiences, personal stretches, and emotions.
I got keys to my new classroom on Monday. I’m excited & motivated, which speaks volumes to my decision to return to the classroom after 6 years in administration. As if reading my mind of self-doubt, a dear friend said, “welcome back to teaching; this is where you do your best.” And a colleague, “You’re a great teacher; students will love you; welcome home.” THANK YOU, I needed to hear it!
I played in a golf tournament on Wednesday. Although golf isn’t new, playing in a scramble all on my own without knowing ANYONE was a whole other ball of wax! There was plenty of anxiety, but taking the leap to tee it up with the big boys in support of a great cause was well worth the personal stretch.
Thursday was what I call a “calendar day” regarding an event triggering grief. It was rough w/waves of tears throughout the day, but I gave myself permission to grieve, kept busy, and powered through. Ended the night taking 22/111 in a poker tournament. I was grateful for the familiar faces and playful banter. Day started with waves of tears, but ended with smiles and laughs. Phew!
Friday was District Inservice Day; another personal challenge. Tough facing folks as I transition from supervisor back to peer. My heart was warmed by the acceptance and accolades for my decision. Folks said I was glowing, looked healthy, and happy. Hooray!! Of course, there were haters offering passive-aggressive comments or a cold shoulder. Life is too short and my time too precious; I refuse to take on their manipulation and negative shit.
Life isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. Nor do hunky heroes swoop in and save the day. Shocker, huh? However, there’s something to be said for intentional choices to reset a life working towards happiness, health, and peace.
I’ve always carried my grandparents close to my heart, especially grandma aka Mamasan. She was funny, gracious, and determined. There was a conversation at the poker table last night about me not backing down in a hand and my quick wit. I naturally said outloud, “I get that from my grandma.”
On the drive home today, my eyes were frequently drawn to the clouds. I truly felt grandma’s presence as I captured the image above. While writing the poem, I confirmed her date of death. I was shocked to see it was July 16, 1999. Grandma is in me and with me, always…
Saku not Sake
The long aisle
family to one,
chanters to other.
ebbs and flows
Words I don’t understand-
are beautiful; peaceful.
A favorite song-
“We all live
in a yellow submarine,
a yellow submarine”
floats through the sanctuary
her final request fulfilled.
the daughter of Kai
mother of Kazumi.
I leave my grandma’s side knowing-
she smiles from above,
playful twinkle in her eye.
**As individuals, we all grieve in our own way and our own time. It is not for society to determine what we grieve about (not only a death) nor for how long (may never end). For those grieving, please give yourself permission to do what is best for you, in your own way, in your own time.